Personal friendship and professional work

In 1995, one of the best friends offered me a job. I thanked him profusely, refused politely and went off to teach in a school, a far less glamorous job than my friend had offered me. I have never regretted the decision. We have remained very good friends. This time when I went to India, I did some consulting work for him. He again offered me something and once again, my answer was the same.

This got me thinking. We do want our boss to be our best friend but not our best friend to be our boss? Why is that so?

Why are we uncomfortable when our friends make us an offer to work for them? What is about it that makes us uncomfortable? Are we afraid that the realities of business are so stark that they shall inevitably call for decisions that would put a strain on our friendship? Or do we treasure our frienships so much that we do not want the mundane materialistic pennies and cents considerations get in the way somewhere to spoil the fun of a pristine friendship? Or is it possible that we do use our friends as wise counsel for everything from business dilemmas to family issues to personal crises to career decisions that we do want to have them continue to maintain their objectivity from a 'distance' rather than become a vested part of our own lives.

A very close friend of mine in Singapore is currently facing this dilemma. The business opportunity to work for his friend is great but he is hesitant. The reason- he values the friendship a heck of a lot. If the business doesnt succeed, he doesnt want to lose his best friend. Its a tricky situation to be in. On the one hand, one may argue that if they truly good friends, a failed business doesn't mean breakdown of friendships, in fact, it could just bring them closer as thats what adversity does to people who care about each other. On the other hand, there could some kind of 'blame' game, covert, subtle and difficult to express precisely because they are friends. Its easy to argue with a colleague over an issue, and still remain friends, but with good friends.......not too sure!!

Business that is too 'cold blooded' is boring, friendship that is too close and too chummy could not be good for business either- where exactly is the golden mean?? I dont know.

But clearly, this dilemma points to how much we tend to value our friendships and how we want to keep them and nurture them at all costs, at least for most of my close friends. Friends tend to play several roles- wise counsel, idea generators, reality checks and non judgemental gossip mongers! Most of all, they bring fun into our lives- and why would be want to give it all up if thats what a professional relationship would threaten to do!