Driving in India

A friend of mine travelling to India asked me for advice and tips on driving and I found this excellent pice on the subject. Here it is for the benefit of all.

For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside the vehicle is only marginally safer. Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as follows:

Do we drive on the left or right of the road?
The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation; the other drivers are not in any better position.

Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to xpress joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts), or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.

Traffic Jams: Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.

UFO: Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.

Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion reroute to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.

Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.

Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.

One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.

Speed Breaker: Least I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.

Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience for those with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes. Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously.

Vacations

I have always looked forward to vacations. Time to take a break, to reflect, to recharge your battery as you move on.

The best vacations have been those where there has been quiet time interspred with partying with friends, reminiscing about old times and thinking of times ahead. They say what you do on vacation is representative of what you value in life. Since there is no pressure, no expectation, what you do at this time is what you do if you didnt have to work to earn a living. What have I done in the past few vacations. Travelled, caught up on reading, watched movies, and also written diaries. This blog was born on a vacation- the time between my final exams and date of graduation from Harvard.

Sometimes, I have consciously cut myself from some of the social occasions just to spend more time at home- either at the computer writing or with my wife. I find this 'downtime' reinvigorating. In fact, this is the time I think I 'work' the hardest- think about key decisions for the year- what do I need to concentrating on- in terms of time and effort. I find this a worthwhile exercise and best done either alone or in the company of my wife. Anybody else only clouds the decision making process.

This time around, I have read or rather re-read some of my old books- The Alchemist, Seven Habits, One Minute Manager, The Hungry Spirit, and reconnected back with some of my very old friends. Also watched Memoirs of a Geisha, Forrest Gump and the famous Boston Pops Symphony Orchestra. I cant believe Ive been on vacation only for a week.

I'd love to be on more such vacations. And given the temperate winter so far, I wouldnt mind spending Christmas and New Year in Boston!

The Family Stone- What a disaster!

You watch some trailers of movies and they raise your expectations. You look at the cast and that raises expectations further. You look forward to watch the movie. Then, you go ahead with your wife and friends to watch it on Christmas Day. And it turns out to be a unmitigated disaster. What do you do? You not only feel let down but almost cheated by all the expectations that were raised through the trailer and the prelude that accompanied the preview of what was expected to be one of the better movies of the year. The Family Stone has let me down beyond anything in recent times.

Think about it. The cast. There is Diane Keaton. And Sarah Jessica Parker. And Claire Danes. And Dermot Mulroney- and the trailers give you a glimpse of meeting the parents gone wrong. You think comedy, you think great pace and great timing. And then you go and watch a slow, boring, monotonously winding screenplay with some pedestrian acting to boot and you come off feeling cheated. If there was a money back refund available, the producers would be in serious debt.

Suffice it to say that this would be one of the worst movies of the year, and I watch a LOT of movies.
For critics who are slamming Memoirs of a Geisha, they ain't seen anything yet.
Or maybe, its just better they skip this one.
Take my word- if you have an extra 7 bucks, rent two good DVDs and watch them in the comfort of your home and save yourself the agony of going through this awful flick.
I will do some more research before spending another Christmas day watching a disastrous movie!
Enough said. I feel better having vented my frustration here and hoping at least somebody will be saved the agony and that my wife and I had to go through earlier!

Are fans more loyal than sports stars?

Boston is a picture of gloom and shock over the last couple of days.
The reason: Johnny Damon has signed for the Yankees- 52 million for 4 years.
The shock not just because he left but because he went to the most hated team in Boston- the Yankees. This is one of the most fierce rivalries in sports and Damon switched- for money of course! He was here for four years and had pretty much become the poster boy for the Red Sox team- his carefree attitude endeared him to everyone and also epitomised the attitude of the team in general- competitive yet likeable. When I watched a few games in Fenway, I remember fans comparing him to a Messiah and his bearded look and affable manner helped him become one of the most loved sportspersons in New England!

Isnt it strking that while fans stay true to their loyalties, sportsmen switch, and quite easily. Fans root for them and stay with clubs forever. When Red Sox won the World Series last year, generations of fans lined up to celebrate, fans who had waited an entire generation to see this come true. Sportspersons have a shelf life and they want to make the most of it- monetarily and otherwise. Switching loyalties isnt such a big deal with them.

But the fan feels cheated. At least I do. Unless I become more detached.
But then, if I become more detached, am I am fan at all?
Are fans more loyal than sportsmen?
Moot question.

The travails of corporate life

The more talk I hear about work-life balance in the corporate sector, I wonder whether that dichotomy denotes something deeper- a fundamental view that being at work and enjoying life are two very different things. If people are very happy on Friday evening looking forward to not being at work, doesn't that mean that they haven't been happy at work at all.
So, are we just working to pay bills?
To take the next holiday?
To earn to then enjoy the things we really like?
And when would that happen? When we retire!!!

I take the subway to work and can see a visible difference in people's attitudes on Monday morning compared to the Friday evening. The latter expression is much more chirpy than the one you see on Monday. Does that mean that for a large chunk of the population, corporate life is really a necessary drudgery to just try and make the cut in terms of living a life of comfort.

If you really do enjoy your work, wouldnt you like to do it all the time. Can't we see that with sportspeople, or with musicians or with entertainers or with artists or with anybody in pursuit of excellence? Have you heard Michael Jordan complain about playing too much basketball? Or Sachin Tendulkar playing too much cricket? But corporate executives do complain about too much work. Is it just me or I just feel that a lot of people haven't found their calling, drift into professional jobs and continue in them just to get by.

Can corporate life or even a subset of it really be a calling in and by itself?
I hope it can be, otherwise there are millions of unhappy people around waiting for their nirvana from something other than what they are engaged in 8-10 hrs everyday.